What the EXPLETIVES!?!

DOES a true lady use profanity?  Indeed!  In a way...

WHILE modern English is unimaginative when it comes to a variety of expletives, we can turn to Elizabethan or Shakespearean days for a good and proper insult.  Why limit yourself to four letters, I say?!  Give them a stinging bit of wit! 

AS an example, rather than dolling out the rough, common and rude 'eff you or go to hell, A pox on your head might be a more tasteful way to curse someone [and rather literally considering the term pox in such a phrase would refer to the deadly plagues faced in centuries past].  Not comfortable cursing someone directly?  Nor myself.  We must always respect karma, must we not?  Instead, alter the phrase to give yourself the plague; making them the cause, You're a pox on my head. 

ANOTHER trick to insult in the Elizabethan era was the use of exaggerated politeness and formality when addressing someone during a hidden insult as a way to patronize.  Very good, my dear fellow.  Akin to our modern yeah right, dude.  The benefit here is certainly that one can't truly be sure if in fact you're insulting them or not.  And do not we Charm School ladies love the upper hand?!

TOSS out some Shakespeare and turn your angry profanity into an interesting explanation of the phrase I bite my thumb at you.  There won't be many you encounter that recognize this particular insult, featured in "Romeo and Juliet".  When one can merely respond to its use with a perplexing stare, you can chuckle inside and share with them a few lines from Shakespeare's piece as explanation.  Or not.  Leave them confused.  That'll teach 'em to aggravate the likes of you! 
SHOULD you, on the other hand, feel your sense of compassion rise, the explanation begins in knowing that to 'bite one's thumb at another' is the equivalent of giving the middle finger today.  I believe it originates in fighting to halt one's wishes to begin an altercation with someone who has caused offense.  Consider your own body language.  When you feel frustrated with someone and are fighting to maintain composure, might you not bite your thumb or fingernails?
IN Shakespeare's play "Romeo and Juliet" [Act 1], the friends of both the Houses of Capulet and the Houses of Montague are attempting to goad one another into a rumble-tumble.  
                                Abraham:     Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
                                       Sampson:     I do bite my thumb, sir.
                                       Abraham:     Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
                                       Sampson [to Gregory]:     Is the law of our side if I say ay?
                                       Gregory:      No.
                                       Sampson:     No sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir; but I bite my thumb, sir. 



YE OLD-TIMEY INSULT LIST (Thank you William Shakespeare for giving such a colorful wit to the art of insults)...
Apple-John = withered
Bum-Bailey = rude slang for a Sheriff's Deputy
Coxcomb = cap of the jester or King's fool
Codpiece = a flap or cover for the crotch of men's hose or tight-fitting breeches
Death-Token = signal of approaching death

FIND more like-insults via an internet search for "Shakespeare Insult Generator".  Happy cursing my bootless hag-born strumpets!  

How To Maintain Power in an Argument

DISAGREEMENTS happen.  That's life.  Being human, and even more so being American, we often feel obligated to share our viewpoint with the world around us.  Hey, it's our hard-fought, hard-won freedom to have our own say, no?  Perhaps.  Perhaps not.

WHILE we do hold the right of free will, granting us all the opinions we might ever want to hoard, top prize goes to those who keep their collected viewpoints under lock and key.  Give Switzerland some credit, I suppose, for remaining neutral.  There's something to it.  In a culture where unnecessary and often unwanted opinions are tossed into the wind left and right, how very refreshing and impressive to be the one to hold your tongue.

IT is our expressed differences that typically kickstart the arguments we find ourselves engaged in.  So why do many of us feel the need to express these differences at all?  Do we truly believe there is something to be gained in doing so?  If anything it only piles more onto our own already weighed-down shoulders.  By simply biting one's tongue and fighting that urge to share our [clearly superior] inner knowledge with the [feeble-minded, suffering] souls of our world we can eliminate a large portion of the drama and energy-drain that accompanies each little disagreement.

THERE'S a known saying that is quite fitting here.  "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."  Such is credited to Mark Twain I believe.  And it's nothing shy of great advice.  Take heed, charm school ladies.  You may be thinking yourself triumphant in some battle of wits however, rather than hailing some all-intelligent mind for the notions they're hearing from you, any onlookers are merely witnessing two more vocal, opinionated windbags.

SAVE yourself from being lumped into the ever-growing population of opinion-spewers.  Most anyway don't even actually listen to your feelings if they differ from their own.  It's just a silly symphony of pointless sound that people are hearing but to which they don't truly listen.  Become that captivating spot of silence in a very noisy world.


To Maintain Power in an Argument

a)  Hold tightly to your composure, whatever unfolds.  It is so very easy to allow the harsh words and stated inaccuracies by others to build a need to launch a counter-attack.  Refrain.  It does nothing but feed a fire that will soon engulf all involved.  Whom is right, whom is wrong will become overshadowed by the flames.  In honor of my two sons who both play junior hockey, I offer this quote by former NHL great Bobby Hull... "Always keep your composure.  You can't score from the penalty box, and to win, you have to score."

b)  Remain polite.  If and when you do choose to respond, keep it as ludicrously simplistic as possible and always, always polite.  Just imagine yourself replying to a character like King Henry VIII, infamous for his fickle temper and ever-ready chopping block.  Even should your Henry offend you unforgivably, keep your head by not giving him reason to condemn you.  

c)  Never let them see what hurts.  I've never quite understood it myself, this need to cause one another emotional pain during an argument.  A classy lady should never seek to do so.  We have our ever-expanding vocabulary bank to rely on to get our point across.  Sadly however, we cannot expect that others we encounter will refrain from tossing out hurtful comments during a disagreement.  And so it is imperative that we put on our poker faces.  Take away their ammunition and you'll find they cannot continue shooting at you.


I offer an entertaining example of true composure via a starring character in the BBC's somewhat

recent revival of a series titled Upstairs Downstairs.  Do take the time to view the two seasons that were produced before the show was cancelled.  You won't be disappointed by the controlled poise of the mistress of the house, Lady Agnus.  She is truly an inspiration for those of us striving to resurrect tact and good manners regardless of adversities faced. 

TRY to make use of the provided three steps and whatever inspiration you may draw from our poised and proper 'Lady Agnus Holland' when you feel that percolating urge to spew forth all of the righteous ideals that make your beliefs better than another's.  Share your knowledge in neutral fashion.  Keep your heart hidden, open only to those you most love, and it shall be treasured rather than just tolerated.

Vintage Chic for an Upcoming Wedding: THE DRESS

LADIES, I'm in need of your vote[s].  While summer seems eons away as the snows have begun to fly here in Upstate NY, the destination wedding I'll be attending at the end of July is fresh on my mind, [if only to remember in this frigid cold November that summer will find its way to me again some day!].  Too bad I must wade through winter and spring first.  Sigh. 

WHILE the wedding itself is not "themed" I'm interested in creating a vintage chic look inspired by a 50's pin-up girl.  We'll break this Blog Project up into parts, beginning with the dress selection and then moving on to cover Shoes, Make-Up, Hair and Accessories.

THE DRESSES:

1.  Lindy Bop 'Yvette'

2.  Zehui Boho's Evening Dot

3.  Lindy Bop 'Audrey Hepburn' in Red

4.  Lindy Bop 'Audrey Hepburn' in Navy Blue

One Month Critique

I'M just about a few days away from completing my first month of Charm School as emotional therapy.  Overall I've been quite pleased with the results, most especially with the inner sense of self control and outer display of poise I have gained.  It's very empowering to remember during a frustrating encounter that through an outward expression of calm and class I'm able to hold an upper hand that I was quick to give away in the past when I allowed my emotions to steer my actions. 

AND it is also not a matter of bottling up

those emotions [because we all know the bitter ticking time bomb of a person that can create].  By thinking carefully on what exactly to say to get one's point across without giving away one's pure feelings on the matter, a message can be conveyed without exposing a weakness.

A general sense of success aside I do have to point out that it has hardly been a month of sheer perfection.  I'm certainly no Jackie O.  Yet.  The most difficult engagements for recalling and relying upon the Charm School approach to a problem arose when it involved my two young children.  Because I whole-heartedly care about their opinions and self awareness I found myself injecting too much emotion into our discussions.  By doing such I know I am teaching them through my actions that it's perfectly sensical to outpour one's emotions in order to make a point.  While I in no way wish to be robotic in my parenting I also realize that by being too emotional my valid points are lost to them as they try to filter through the rush of feelings I'm tossing at them.  Keeping one's emotions simple, clear and controlled will allow those with which you are engaged to make sense of your message. 

COMPOSURE, composure, composure.  I think I need a little song to sing to myself when my boys begin to get me worked up.  Maybe "Remember Composure, Remember Composure" set to the tune of "If All the Rain Drops".  Well, there you have it!  A goal for my 2nd month of Charm School Therapy!

MOST fun of all has been my research into grand, stoic ladies of the past for inspiration.  Their pure tact in dealing with any issue, perfection of posture and timeless style has been a joy to merge into my own way of life.  Presently I'm working to match those iconic red lips that Marilyn made so famous.  Hello boys!  Wink wink.  

GOING forward I hope to start gaining some readers who will join me in these lessons.  I would love to swap stories and beauty tips.  Haven't quite mastered the art of marketing in the Blogger World I fear.  Until then, ladies... poised, pretty and witty!

  

Refine Your Responses

MANNERS and etiquette are undoubtedly vital within our daily encounters but such can only take you so far when great conversation is wanted.  The trick to expressive dialog is more than just what is being said.  Also we must factor in how something is presented.  Take the offered two examples below attempting to make the same point.

      HUMDRUM STATEMENT:                           EXCEPTIONAL STATEMENT:
"Her skin is so smooth and flawless."   "Her skin is as smooth and flawless as virgin snow."

THE key to adding panache to your conversational presence is the use of vivid analogies.  In our above examples, the second [exceptional] option paints a scene both of freshly fallen snow devoid of footprints and also of the possible perfection in a face that could be linked to so clear a description.  Put a revealing picture in someone's mind with your dialog.  Even a mundane topic will be less likely forgotten when you're able to have one conjure up mental images versus merely just taking notice of your words.

SECONDLY is the importance of responding with heart to another's comments or questions during a conversation.  While livening up your own contribution to a conversation with analogies will prove to grab the attention of your audience, you will be guaranteed to lose them should the attentiveness remain one-sided.  Actively listen.  And respond with insight to show you are doing just that.  None of this mumbling, half-hearted "uh-huh" business for the charm schooled lady!  Our words shall be as clear as our intentions, thus it shall be our intention that our words are clear. 

    
HUMDRUM RESPONSE:                                      REFINED RESPONSE:
"Yeah", "Yep" or even "Yes"                               "Indeed", "Certainly" or "Truly"
           "Yeah but..."                                          "You may well be right" or "I for one"

I think it would be wonderful to have store a collection of analogies here at the Charm School Therapy blog.  Please send your offered examples my way.  Once I've gathered a large enough selection I will create an ANALOGIES tab for readers to access. 

Blend Eras of a Glamorous Past with Your Today

VINTAGE will always be "in" and chic when blended appropriately to give it a proper, modern touch.  Therefore, research popular styles of hair, makeup and dress to incorporate iconic looks of decades, and even centuries, past with your own fashion favorites. 

WE all know well and good that the presentation of our exterior is unfortunately the first impression people have of us.  Let us always use this as a benefit rather than something to cause marks against us. Whether we appreciate being judged immediately upon our looks or not, such happens.  So work with it!

GIVE your audience something unforgettable by merging vintage with today in your appearance.  Such small touches of celebrated pasts will give your look a unique feature that will set you pleasingly apart.  When deciding your own style, consider your favorite icons and ideals of the past.  Jackie Kennedy.  Marilyn Monroe.  Liz Taylor.  Or go back even further... Gatsby-esque girls of the glamorous 20's and 30's.  Poised and proper duchesses of the early 1900's.  Even further... the extravagant coiffure of Marie Antoinette.  Or perhaps the soft allure of the ladies of ancient Greece or Rome. 

PULL up Bing or Google and do some quick searches on hair, face and fashion of decades gone by ["hairstyles of the 1920's" for example or "hair and makeup from the 1910's"].  Find within the results subtleties of these eras past that intrigue you.  It's quite simple to then work them into today's trends.  

FIND hair and makeup styles you love but aren't sure how to pull them off?  You would be astounded to find a plethora of how-to tutorials waiting for you at YouTube.  There are brilliant ladies that routinely offer new braids, twists, up-dos and more with step-by-step video guides to tackle the styles yourself.  I've provided two examples of my own hairstyles learned through just such a method. 

ABOVE at the right is a style inspired by blending the cross-hair braids of the Renaissance era with a simple low bun.  My current "hombre" coloring [where the ends of the hair are dyed to gradually darken to a color completely opposite that of the rest of the head -- in my case platinum blonde to caramel to soft black] adds that modern edge.  To the left is a braid that has been pinned underneath in hanging loops and then wrapped with the ends of two criss-crossing twists pulled from the front in a look [which I love!] found in both ancient Greece and War of the Roses-era England.  I've just finished watching "The White Queen" [Starz Channel] and was greatly inspired by the gorgeous hairstyles featured in the drama.

NO need to wait for a special occasion to test out a vintage 'do'.  These hairstyles adorably dress-up even jeans and Tee!  Just shifting your makeup from 'subtle daytime' to 'dramatic evening' will change the very result of the style.

STAND out today by finding inspiration in the queens, ladies, actresses and icons of the past.  Re-awaken a forgotten era and create your unforgettable Self. 

Smile, and Leave Them Guessing

I am a firm believer in the benefit of keeping a little mystery within our engagements.  A mysterious comment or action adds allure to a conversation and I've found that people tend to enjoy the enigma.  They are enticed by the possibilities within such a "closed book".  There is good reason Da Vinci's coyly smiling subject has captivated audiences for hundreds of years.  To some degree we all hold an appreciation for the mysterious.   

CONSIDER a nameless example of the opposite.  She wears her heart on her sleeve.  She tells all and leaves nothing to the imagination.  By sharing with others in so unfiltered a fashion she permits herself to be fitted with labels -- Religious, Political, Judgmental, Unintelligent, Emotional.  From this jumping-off point people then begin to assume that they know just who she is and how she'll feel or respond in any encounter.  They now believe she can be described by merely a handful of words.  And these descriptions become her brand, one that is very difficult to change or overcome. 

AVOID such a brand.  No, the suggestion is not to become an emotionless robot devoid of reaction.  Just leave a little mystery where normally you might inject an emotion.  Resentment, anger, hysteria, boisterousness.  These are all reactions that often we feel we are entitled to express, given what we are facing at a particular moment.  And while such may be true, these reactions will also provide others with yet another descriptive word with which to define and dismiss you. 

WHILE emotions are at the very core of your personality, permit someone a quick glimpse at them and it can leave you standing under the wrong shade of light in their eyes.  In the general sense, people do not take the time to recognize that there is more to you than your expressed feelings in that one specific instance.  They judge, and such a judgement becomes that label which they then assign to you.  A systematic, societal categorization.  It seems harsh, yes but we simply do not have the time to learn the true, well-rounded nature of every person we encounter on our walk through life.  We must rely on the here-and-there engagements that we share with others to create a profile of them in our minds.

EVADE this profiling system with your aloofness.  In addition to the enchantment you will leave in your wake, I think you'll find such coy tactics keep your heart safe from the hurts that often accompany disagreeing views.  If one doesn't truly know your stance on a particular issue, they can hardly form an assumption.  

LIKE our beloved Mona Lisa, just smile.  It is always better to keep them guessing than to give them reason to fit you with labels.